The ancient and honourable art of bread making.

Hello Bloggers.

                              By gum its been a while since my last tomfoolery hasn’t it. My most sincere and heart-felt apologies for this, I found myself temporarily uninspired, owing to my muses taking a months respite , in the form of a camping jolly round the Dordogne. Ooh la la..ok for some eh bloggers? So, with my comedic inspiration  wandering around France, I found myself bereft of anything to delight you with.

 But they are back now,waving baguettes and half sozzled on Monbazillac. Where was I?? Oh yes, my blog. Well, as some of the more astute of you bloggers out there will have noticed, this little dalliance  with bloggitude is about the noble art of the baker..and further to the point, the baking of bread, the staff of life,that crusty staple of any household. Why bake it yerself I hear you cry,when you can buy a loaf of sliced latex from any supermarket in the land for a shilling. I shall be blunt, as I have discovered you prefer me to be.  So, lacking any sharp edges or pointy bits, I shall explain. I am fed up of eating the rubbery,tasteless,un-textured  rubbish which is foisted on us by the supermarkets these days. So, with me yeast in me hand, I set off to create an honest to goodness home-baked loaf.

                                                                                                      Oh it’s no use bloggers!! I am a scofflaw,a fraud,a cheat,a diddler,a charlatan,a chiseller,a grifter and a knave. I have set out to deliberately bamboozle,  beguile, bilk, con,cozen, deceive, defraud, diddle,hoax, hoodwink, kid,mislead and pull a fast one on you, my most beloved colleagues. No doubt you imagined me pre heating my oven, kneading the dough,allowing it to rise, pummeling ,allowing to rise again etc. This is not in fact the case at all. Instead I am using a brilliant new bread maker I treat myself to last week. A truly miraculous device which frees me from all the hard slog, while i compose this little  dawdle down blog avenue , for your edification and amusement.

The cat is well and truly out of the proverbial bag.

Here is the dastardly mechanism itself.

And finally,after three hours, the finished result., I am delighted.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. custardfroggy
    Jul 22, 2011 @ 10:25:30

    I remember, back in the day, when a breadmaker was a phlegmy guy called Alan who wore a silly hat. I for one welcome welcome the rise of the breadmaking robots and just hope against hope that they do not get a taste for bread. It is the stuff of nightmares that such mechanical wonders may yet rise up and crush the puny toast eating humans into submission.

    Ahem fascinating post as ever, BTW what does cat bread taste like.

    Reply

  2. Tricia Booth
    Jul 22, 2011 @ 20:00:49

    Speaking as somebody who never eats bread, it was DELICIOUS. I would far rather you had hand-kneaded it, turned it, knocked it back, kneaded it again and worked up a good old sweat in the process; there’s nothing nicer than watching a man toil like that and as for the waftage, it would have been immense. BUT since you had to go and spoil things by turning on a machine and then wasting the opportunities by idling your time watching old Doctor Who repeats on the comp, what can I say but POO upon your robotic exertions. I shall go back to investigating the Arkwrights and be blowed with you. 🙂

    Reply

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